The Queer As Livejournal Soap Opera
Monday, August 4, 2003
well, after a long decision process I decided to move in with Sophie. I feel good right now, and I hope this is something I can commit to. She understands my urges to run. But If It's my home I doubt I will feel insecure. Maybe I felt insecure at my parent's home, and again when I ran away to live with friends, but that's understandable. I've lived so many places. Always been on the go. Always, always unsure of myself. Always breaking hearts. But those were boy's hearts. Sophie is so, so different. We are just on this level that I can't describe. All I can say is I know it is something I have never felt before. I never felt this with anyone else in my whole life. No wonder I would leave. It's not worth it if you don't feel this way. So anyway. Sophie and me. Starting our life together. Work is going really well. Life is going really well....::Sigh::
well I have to get over there with the rest of my stuff and I get to drive a u haul!!!! woohoo for that. I like driving biiig things...
Saturday, August 2, 2003
Well, Nora and I have been missing for a few days, we know. I can't believe she decided to move in!!!! Yayyyyy.
Monday, July 28, 2003
Well, I am back from the beach and I am seeing Sophie today when I get off of work. I had such a good time at the beach, with the exception of missing my love. I can't believe it's been a whole week since I have gazed into her eyes, smelled her. And I have to go a whole workday without seeing her first. Ah well, the time will come soon enough. The beach was fantastic aside from the "missing her" crap. It was good to see all those girls again. All of us together, this time not in beauty school (except for TJ..she's the only non beauty school one but she became part of our clique because she was the janitor at the school and made most of the girl's panties wet, except for mine of course because that's what Sophie is for)..but anyway..what a trip!. There are still questions...still things to think about, like moving into Sophie's place..still lots to think about...
Thursday, July 24, 2003
2:10AM - For Nora (a song)
You and me
thinking about eternity
Please don't leave me again
Please don't tear my heart into a thousand
pieces and send it sailing
Lift me up my Nora Nora.
Show me how to be your one
Be my never ending sun...Nora.
Without you, I am just alone
Without you, I am just alone
in my home, in my home that I own!
You are away right now
and I'm lying in bed wondering how
I can get you here in my bed and out of my head
Lift me up my Nora Nora.
Show me how to be your one
Be my never ending sun...Nora.
Wednesday, July 23, 2003
I'm having an amazing time on the beach with my girlfriends. TJ is her same old crazy self. She threw me up on her shoulders in the water and was running around with me. I was screaming my head off and praying she wouldn't drop me because I am not the best swimmer. I've missed TJ, Rhonda, Sue, and Linda all so much since I left beauty school. TJ went to work at Short and Slick in Greenwich Village, Rhonda went to work over in Port Anne, and Linda went to work over at Curl Up and Dye on highway 6. I wish we got to see eachother more. I guess I've especially missed TJ. She has an outrageous sense of humor. Today, she made me dance with her on the beach. I hope this doesn't make Sophie freak out. It is purely platonic. TJ is really not my type... she really isn't. Plus, she just had that bad break up with her girlfriend Kara and even though she's good at hiding it, I can tell it's really taken a toll on her. Poor TJ. I wish there was something I could do to make it better.
I was planning on going to visit Nora at the beach today but I am immobile. I broke out in this mysterious rash and have been bed ridden. Right now I have to use my slow as hell laptop instead of my PC. My mother came all the way up from her summer home in Tewskbury just to be with me. What a good mom. Ever since she left my Dad for Jane, she's been so much happier and since Jane is a corporate lawyer, they really live a good life. They travel around, hang out with Jane's golden retrievers, and spend a lot of time on Jane's boat. I was so upset at first; I didn't understand how she could just leave my dad and sister to fend for themselves. But I guess it's about time dad became a little more emotionally involved with Chloe's upbringing. All our lives, it was just "Do your homework," and "Why an A minus, and not an A?" Now, I've noticed that they've been spending a lot of time together. They even went golfing together last weekend. In a way, I'm very jealous. I guess I should just be happy that everyone is okay. But all my life it was "Minister Warner told the congregation that you made it into Mount Holyoke. Good school." Your dad told me you're in the top ten of your class. Congrats!" It always seemed like he was proud of my acheivements and never proud of me. In a lot of ways, they are his acheivements. Nobody ever asked me what I wanted. Now that I am involved in goddess worship, my father and I have become even more distant. I guess I'm lucky though. I have a house full of cats, a wonderful girlfriend, and a long life ahead of me.
Sunday, July 20, 2003
I am leaving for my vacation today!
Saturday, July 19, 2003
10:34PM - Nora..don't FREAK
Well, dinner was wonderful. Sophie took me to the most gorgeous Italian place ever. We even got a serenade. The only thing is that I ate carbs...carbs are bad. However, I am not too concerned. We talked some things over. She really wants me to move in with her. Considering the current situation with me living between my aunt Laverne's or Dave, this ex of mine from waaaay back in the boy days-It really makes the most sense. I would like to feel at home and I don't want to go back home. Home as in my parent's house. Yeah I go over there and spend time with mom but living there again? eh. And this efficiency apartment with Dave..I can leave at any time, really. Not like he would give a shit, but wow, my own home. Maybe it would be better. I couldn't run away from my own home, could I? It's different then living at your parents house and running away from there. It just is. I know I want to be with Sophie and live with her but I'm afraid I might tweak at some point. Go over the edge. Feel stuck, like I am missing out on something, feel like my young life is over. even though I know deep down that is where I want to be. Strange, no?. Maybe this will prevent me from pulling on her heartstrings whenever I take off to refresh my spirit. Maybe I won't take off anymore. Or maybe I will. argh. I will think it over. I will take my week's vacation and think. Really try to make a wise decision using my brain. I know it's up there somewhere. Emotions, don't kick in. please. I beg of you.
Anyway some friends from my beauty school days and I planned this beach trip a while back. Sophie and I were on the outs when it was planned and I can't back out now, even if I will miss her terribly. She's more then welcome to come down, even if only for a day or two. She's looking into it. I need a vacation. I need a vacation from PA. From this town, from certain people, from work...but I will come back a freshly rejuvenated Nora.
la la la
8:33PM - What a day.
Damn. Someone broke into my Miata. I *knew* I shouldn't have locked the doors, since you can break into the car with a pair of scissors. Damn. Though, I guess I should be grateful. They didn't take much, just a checkbook from an account that's been closed since I graduated, a crappy Broadway compilation CD that I couldn't pawn off at Empire Records, and my ex boyfriend's leather jacket. I think that's the thing that bothers me the most. It still has his smell. That and it's gonna cost a pretty penny to get the roof fixed. And today seemed to be such a nice day . . .
Friday, July 18, 2003
I'm about to go pick up Nora at her apartment to bring her to dinner. I'm thinking about asking her to move in with me, but she seems to need some space these days and I'm okay with that, for the most part. I do tend to freak out when I don't know where she is though. It's really a problem with me. I have such a quaint little house and I am usually the only human in it. I tried entertaining in it, but that was a flop. Maybe I should get a roommate.
Time to go get my bumble bee.
nobody understands me...sometimes that's how I feel...well mY sophie understands me, even if I do her wrong. I can't explain my constant need to run away from things...or her..or anything for that matter, but I can't stand the way certain people pass judgement on me. I AM ME. I follow my heart, and sometimes my heart leads me to do certain things. Maybe it isn't right, or dosn't sound right to an outside party but NO ONE is in my head and experiences life the way I see it. No one is in my particular shoes. I can be coldhearted sometimes, yes but can't we all? I was always known for bieng a colhearted bitch who dosn't really care about much but I am TRYING!!! and I know my girl knows this. I am really staying focused on just making the best of what's in my head and doing what is right. Sticking by Sophie and not running away! a million thoughts run through my head at any given moment and drive me to do things....maybe I need medication. Maybe I just need sleep. I think I need my vacation. I wish she was coming with me..she still has to find out if she can drop by for a few days... I think it's just what I need, and it would be even more wonderful to share it with her. I have a constant wanderlust. But living in Port Benedict will do that to ya.
Sophie, I know you understand me. I know you at least somewhat "get" what goes around my head. I should just ignore others' ignorance but sometimes I just get so..so..husbfsgf..I don't know. I can't wait for dinner, baby!
What have I been up to? reconciling with my girlfriend, working, and going to dinner tonight with her. Really I should be taking her out but I guess she's taking me and I am not going to complain. I'm just glad her kitty's better. I guess once_bitten worked some magic or something. woo hoo.
and Sophie, I can't wait
There was a miracle!!! My cat, Aroma, had been acting funny ever since once_bitten gave her back to me so I brought her to the vet and the vet said that my cat is no longer deaf!! Thank the goddess!!!!! I gave her some free range tuna that I bought at Whole foods for 8 dollars. She really seemed to love it. I know it may seem like an expensive treat but she is worth every penny.
Everything is better now that my Nora is back. Ohh Nora. Thank you for being so good to me when it seems like all good is gone. I'm sorry if I seem paranoid lately, but I know you understand why. Don't forget that I am bringing you out to dinner tomorrow, darling, and then after that it's back to my place where I will have my way with you.
12:14AM - Addition
I think I now need to add a rule to my book of rules about dating. Never date a guy who's in any chorus.
So, it turns out I missed a dinner party, but from the sound of it. . . it wasn't much. No offense sophie (btw, I liked your other picture better). I got too busy doing some last minute volunteer work with the Port Benedict Gay Men's Chorus. We're working on a showtune review/dinner event to benefit homeless gay men. Or ones that can't afford Prada shoes. I'm not sure, but it's fun either way, and I feel like I'm doing something. After being on my feet all day long, one of the soloists asked me if I wanted to get a cup of coffee. It was kinda late, at least if I wanted to go to the party, but I said yes, anyway. I couldn't resist his gorgeous brown eyes and Versace cologne. So, we talked for a while, though it soon became evident that he was rather dense. For instance, we were talking about the movie, "The League of Poorly-Adapted Comics," oops, I mean, "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen." He was rather shocked that they choose to make Nemo an Indian. I told him that that's what he was in the book, and he gave me this weird look. Just to be nice, I asked him what his favorite book was. Again, he gave me a weird look and said he hasn't read anything since high school. I asked him, "What about college?" He laughed and proceeded to inform me that college is nothing but a place to brainwash you into doing what the system wants. After stopping myself from choking on my iced chai tea latte with soy milk instead of real milk, I refrained from asking him if he's read Catcher in the Rye. Instead, I told him that it was getting rather late and I needed to be heading home. He insisted on walking me to my car, and as I was reaching for my keys, he tried to kiss me. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I had dropped my keys at that same time and was bending over to pick them up, so he ended up tripping and falling on top of my Miata. I helped him up, which turned out to be a mistake, cause he pulled me up close to him and kissed me. I'll give him props that he didn't decide to rape my mouth with his tongue, but it was still akward, and all I could think about was that my keys were beginning to dig into my thigh. I quickly left, not wanting to let the situation go further, and sped back home, where my Origins bubble bath was awaiting, along with my Aida CD and my copy of Dracula (the book, folks). Anyway, I must exfoliate before I go to bed.
Thursday, July 17, 2003
6:49PM - My evening
OMG this has been quite an interesting few days...lol. It all started when I left Jeordie's apartment around 4pm. I went home to pick up some flautas and head on over to that girl sophie_kat's apartment for her big party. I had a quick fight with my mom and then was on my way, but I was late so I decided to cut through the back roads of Port Benedict so I could get there quicker. However, I was soon approached by two leathermen who grabbed me, threw me in the back of their car, and drove me to the outskirts of town, or what I guess was the outskirts, since I was blinded. They took me into their lair and did not allow me to speak. The first thing they did was eat my flautas. I was so pissed...lol! Anywho, after that they gave me an amaretto sour which I'm sure was drugged because after that I was out cold. when I came to the next day I was in the middle of an alley not to far from my house, but I soon noticed that it was very hard for me to walk, or even get up. Then I remembered having regained consciousness for a brief period and feeling immense pleasure, and then it hit me...I had found the man of my dreams. I now know my reason for living is to find one of these leathermen again and marry him. I have to find out who these mysterious men are who live in the outskirts of Port Benedict, and what their mission is...
I had a long day at work today. I am glad that my girl and I have reconciled. Too many children needing haircuts today. argh. I am looking forward to meeting some of Sophie's new friends that she partied with while I was being a runaway. la la la
So I was gone for a few days...yep...Sometimes I can't help it I just feel this need to escape..not from anything in particular. And no, I wasn't doing anything I shouldn't have been. It's just.....well...me. My head gets too complicated sometimes and I run. I am in love with her. And I know this is "the one". Sometimes that concept scares me and I just need to get my head together. I know I'll come around. She just has to be patient with me and I know she will. I am younger then her!!! Sometimes talking of marriage makes me run for the hills, and sometimes I know it's right. Bear with me please, Sophie...?
I took a few days off of work, too. It was a much needed break although my vacation starts monday. I will be gone for a week. I planned this trip during our breakup and I can't back out now. I feel bad that sophie's not going but she's got so much work to do! I am trying to convince her to come down for a few days anyway. Maybe she can hop on a plane and join me??? maybe it's wishful thinking, especially after the way I have treated her. hmph..gurhfbnsdkjh....god I love her. I hope she forgives my past antics. Why do I run..god, why do I run??? I always ran away in the past...if anything shook my system just a tad I was out the door. I need to stop doing that.
So I'll be gone for a week, but before that Sophie and I can spend a wonderful weekend together.
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
5:42PM - Missing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Description: Orange long haired tabby cat.
She is 6 years old and deaf. Last seen on 7-15-03 on 45 Mason Street here in Port Benedict. I believe she went missing on the night of 7-15, but I didn't officially notice she was gone until the next day when I came home from work. If you have any information, please stop by my house or call me at 555-8779.
I'm just sitting here at work waiting for it to be done. I have enough problems of my own today without having to deal with all of Port Benedict's. I woke up late this morning on the bathroom floor. I don't even know how I got there but I do remember feeling nauseous after drinking too much with two of my "new friends." I am such a fool for trusting those people and wanting to get to know them better. To make it worse, my box of Kashi mysteriously dissapeared so I couldn't even have breakfast before I left for work. All I wanted was to try to get us to all appreciate our differences so we could learn and grow from one another. I still believe that that is the way to go but that some people are just too far gone to worry about. I really felt like we were making progress last night. But I was obviously just being naive.
I still haven't been in touch with Nora. I called her at the salon but apparently she was off today. Weird. She told me she had work.
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